Twenty-Six Years Young: What Have YOu Got to Show for It?

On May 30th I turned a ripe twenty-six years of age. Five years ago I pictured myself in a band touring in a van to random hip locations playing songs in some sort of epic fashion- bloodying up my extremities on many occasions for the sake of artistic blah blah blah. Perhaps a child. A house of some sort. Away from Northern Maine. When I think of that dream now I have to laugh at the absurdity. I graduated years after ex-classmates, took on $30k of school loan debt, moved back in with the parents in a rural Maine town, and have nothing to show for years of education and hard work.

How did I get in this place? Why have I continued to be in this state? It's not 'change' as much as the lack of work and the lack of personnel in from of me to help drive myself in the arts.

Granted it was my personal decision to pursue many facets of the performing arts (Mainly music), but I knew I would not be making a ton of money in this venture. It was for pure personal future satisfaction that I wished this trail into existence. I saw other friends/acquaintances move away to pursue something- I stayed due to lack of support and family obligations. My current state of mentality makes me believe I am one of the few people in the area who have this artistic drive that never is full filled on a regular basis. My 'career' as it were looks pretty dim on a regular basis and it takes other's comment to lift me out of the dark.

Personally- I've never wanted the regular American Dream (wife, 2.5 kids, cat, dog, and house and white picket fence), as it has always seemed to be lacking any personal drive or energy. Too many responsibilities that aren't personally created as much as they become needed obligations. I understand not all are planned but are accidental- and I applaud those who were thrown into the role and are doing the best for their children- but I've realized I am not one of those people at this point in life. My needs seem primal at many levels- but we are all animals. Finding a loving personal female partner who not only understand how Corporations run the world, and at the same time, know why radio is the devil is a reaaaaaaal stretch to find up here. My optimistic point of view in this regard has also waned.

Perhaps the biggest overall doubt in my mind is the lack of job prospects. I did mention the whole artistic driven life ordeal, but not finding work in many fields that I am qualified in has taken me aback. I took the time to achieve phenomenal grades and work within my second chance at University- while making many connections hoping that they will help in the long run. None of those prospects have materialized- making me ever so jaded. Partial leads/promises all ended up being empty and useless. I haven't worked officially in four months- and my ego has taken a huge hit due to this failing aspect of my life (add the shite economy as well of course). NOTHING.

I'm feeling pretty useless as this point of my short life. Ups and downs are expected, but my optimism is waning. I need some picking up.