Twenty-Six Years Young: What Have YOu Got to Show for It?

On May 30th I turned a ripe twenty-six years of age. Five years ago I pictured myself in a band touring in a van to random hip locations playing songs in some sort of epic fashion- bloodying up my extremities on many occasions for the sake of artistic blah blah blah. Perhaps a child. A house of some sort. Away from Northern Maine. When I think of that dream now I have to laugh at the absurdity. I graduated years after ex-classmates, took on $30k of school loan debt, moved back in with the parents in a rural Maine town, and have nothing to show for years of education and hard work.

How did I get in this place? Why have I continued to be in this state? It's not 'change' as much as the lack of work and the lack of personnel in from of me to help drive myself in the arts.

Granted it was my personal decision to pursue many facets of the performing arts (Mainly music), but I knew I would not be making a ton of money in this venture. It was for pure personal future satisfaction that I wished this trail into existence. I saw other friends/acquaintances move away to pursue something- I stayed due to lack of support and family obligations. My current state of mentality makes me believe I am one of the few people in the area who have this artistic drive that never is full filled on a regular basis. My 'career' as it were looks pretty dim on a regular basis and it takes other's comment to lift me out of the dark.

Personally- I've never wanted the regular American Dream (wife, 2.5 kids, cat, dog, and house and white picket fence), as it has always seemed to be lacking any personal drive or energy. Too many responsibilities that aren't personally created as much as they become needed obligations. I understand not all are planned but are accidental- and I applaud those who were thrown into the role and are doing the best for their children- but I've realized I am not one of those people at this point in life. My needs seem primal at many levels- but we are all animals. Finding a loving personal female partner who not only understand how Corporations run the world, and at the same time, know why radio is the devil is a reaaaaaaal stretch to find up here. My optimistic point of view in this regard has also waned.

Perhaps the biggest overall doubt in my mind is the lack of job prospects. I did mention the whole artistic driven life ordeal, but not finding work in many fields that I am qualified in has taken me aback. I took the time to achieve phenomenal grades and work within my second chance at University- while making many connections hoping that they will help in the long run. None of those prospects have materialized- making me ever so jaded. Partial leads/promises all ended up being empty and useless. I haven't worked officially in four months- and my ego has taken a huge hit due to this failing aspect of my life (add the shite economy as well of course). NOTHING.

I'm feeling pretty useless as this point of my short life. Ups and downs are expected, but my optimism is waning. I need some picking up.

My Top 15 TV Theme Songs/ Title Sequences Growing Up

I watched a lot of TV as a child.  A lot.  I don’t know why- considering I only had four channels (on a good day) until my parents got cable in the mid nineties.  Most of these shows had the most memorable title cues, themes, or intro edits I can’t rip from the back of my head’s memory.  A lot cartoons- but I did watch a lot of Nickelodeon and old taped cartoons sent in the mail by relatives of the cool cable TV shows…or I’d go to my cousin’s house up the road and rot away in the soft glow of the cathode ray.  Here you go my most memorable top 15 intro growing up:

15.  Reading Rainbow

This show was awesome because of these three things:  #1. The book reviews were like Oprah’s Book Of The Month Club and were in depth for a kid to follow.  #2. I loved- LOVEDDDD the book readings/interpretations.  #3.  Geordi La Forge reading to me with the miracle of sight!  In all seriousness- I dug the theme’s delay and pulsing tremolo effect to start and stop…the animations were groovy too.

14.  Star Trek:  The Next Generation

Granted- this is the Star Trek: The Motion Picture score, but I didn’t watch any of the films at this point in my life and the cast for this show was fantastic.  The intro blows after the TNG title screen, but it gave me goosebumps while awaiting an hour long show full of constant engine-sourced white noise and space-age soap opera content…AND phasers!  Double points for Lavarr Burton today…

13.  Danger Mouse

How could you not like a one eyed mouse that hangs out in a red mailbox.  The titles were simple but for some unremarkable way, remind me of this show years later.  This show probably helped me understand the British accent a little- but made the Mexican and other stereotypes stuck out like a soar thumb.

12.  Monty Python’s Flying Circus

THE classic comedy sketch show.  Ridiculous, fun, and life affirming.  Also very very British.  Another show PBS used to air with Red Dwarf reruns before SNL came on live.  Comedy at it’s finest right here.  One of the best (if at least THE strangest) title intros ever.

11.  Highlander

I loved the films, but this show was my weekly Fox Syndication action packed Sunday.  And excellent use of Queen in an intro to a TV show based on B movies that always had some bare-chested love scenes within.  I always wanted to be Duncan instead of Connor.  I miss when Fox aired Sci-Fi/Mythology syndicated shows on the weekends to waste my time.

10.  Rugrats
Rugrats from Matt on Vimeo.

This show was fantastic and the intro with points of view from anyone looking at the floor (mainly the babies) makes it work.  The theme is simple and beautiful.  It works on so many levels.

9.  Thundercats

It’s strange how I don’t remember this show very much although I do recall watching it when I was REALLY small…I hated the pet cat with the high-toned voice.  Either way this show screams a reboot of some sort…action ACTION ACTION screams the intro.

8.  Doug

NO- NOT the Disney/ABC version!  I’m talking old school 1990 Nickelodeon excellence.  I’ll always remember this theme song for the easy as can be “do do do do’s” laid around- but this show had a HUGE heart and excellent love for their characters.  I blame the shift to Disney that ruined this forgotten 1990s cartoon.  Sometimes I miss ole’ Nickelodeon…

7.  The Real Ghostbusters

Yeah- it’s Ray Parker Jr.’s film tune…but the intro credits!  WHOA.  You always wanna see your favorite heroes in awesome detail battling it out against the baddies.  This show was awesome until I got conned into watching a half-hour show about Slimer.  Those episodes were horrible…but anything that was even REMOTELY connected to the Ghostbusters when I was ten was epic.  Hell, I even liked the unrelated Filmation Ghostbusters cartoon that was a reboot of their live action Ghost Busters show in the 70s (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CH8yd2xLL8s).

6.  Fraggle Rock

*Clap Clap*  How can you not like Jim Henson? The guy practically created modern puppetry for kids- and this theme intro title sequence is straight up fun and exciting.  I recall waiting for episodes on CBC and ATV all the time.  I absolutely adored this show and it’s themes on community.  The fact that Doc’s workshop looked exactly like my Pepere’s growing up made me look for the Fraggle holes whenever I visited my grandparent’s house.

5.  Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles

The original theme song from the first couple of years- when the animation looked tedious, money was spent, and continuity errors weren’t consistently noticeable.  Combined with the Ghostbusters films/cartoons, these were my cartoons of choice way back in the day.  I wish the entire series had the budget that the opening original credits had…but you can only go so far with cartoon turtles that embody late 80s/early 90s culture and lack of using their weapons to kill.

4.  X-Men

At this point in my childhood, comics covered the Ghostbusters and TMNT entirely- leaving me with the onslaught of post-1990 comic book cartoons (mainly circling around the revitalization of the X-Men franchise with X-Men #1).  The theme is filled FILLED with action and awesomeness- mostly with that driving fake-electric guitar synth riff.  Awesomeness.

3.  The X-Files

This show had everything.  Paranoia, conspiracy theories, aliens, and the best use of shadows/light ever in television.  The intro theme got me pumped and oddly freaked out everytime, and made me over analyze the changing end title message (IE The Truth is Out There, Trust No One, etc etc).  Made me whistle it for years…and quite possibly the best whistling song- right in front of the Andy Griffith Show!

2.   3-2-1 Contact!

My love for educational program continues!  ‘3-2-1 Contact!’ was originally shown on many public broadcasting stations from 1980-1988 and featured science up the wah-zoo.  The theme alone is epically brilliantly scored and the visuals get me every time…especially the frog cuts.  I remember loving this and ‘Square One’ (same thing with more scenario stock comedy about math).

1.  Doctor Who (various arrangements)

Ladies and Gentlemen- this is the pinnacle of all television themes.  I grew up watching low-quality/high-generation PBS re-broadcastings of mostly the fourth and fifth incarnations of The Doctor, and I have to really remember a time where the theme to this iconic British show was never far away from my head.  The beat kicks off the memorable song until the iconic Theremin-like instrumentation takes off....it'll blow your mind how the original 1963 recording was made.

More technical and historical significance from the Wikipedia article:
"The original 1963 radiophonic arrangement of the Doctor Who  theme is widely regarded as a significant and innovative piece of electronic music, and Doctor Who was the first television series in the world to have a theme entirely realized through electronic means. The original theme was composed by Ron Grainer and realized by Delia Derbyshire at the BBC Radiophonic Workshop, with assistance from Dick Mills. The various parts were built up by creating tape loops of an individually struck piano string and individual test oscillators and filters. The Derbyshire arrangement served, with minor edits, as the theme tune up to the end of Season 17 (1979–80)."

If you think you know of a more worthy title sequence as well- you’re wrong.

Honorable mentions:
Captain Planet
Duck Tales
The Raccoons
Ren & Stimpy
Denver: The Last Dinosaur
Transformers
Batman: The Animated Series
Sliders
Red Dwarf
Count Dukula

Way Over Yonder in the Minor Key: To Create or Recreate Live Music?

     Many times I find myself picking up an acoustic guitar with hopes of anything worthwhile just emitting from my fingers on the strings.  Tentatively waiting for something original and thought provoking to pour out of my head in real-time.  Sometimes this happens and I document the process with anything and everything at my disposal- sometimes being able to record and write an idea as I'm formulating a finished song.  This happens often, but I feel that this particular talent doesn't occur with all musicians- especially those who view this practice secondary to other time sensitive material (IE life).  Writing music, literature, or crafting artistic devices don't have a functionality to all people.

     I'll be truthful in stating the main reason I started playing the guitar was 1) My cousin played it  2) He was getting attention from girls with it  3)  I wanted to be Billy Corgan.  Number three on that list may be void at this point and the first two are connected in some way- but I started developing to play because I didn't have a main form of personal communication outside of the standard human daily rituals.  Those first songs were horrible and completely unlistenable to anyone's ears- but I slowly began to understand the language that music offers ourselves and others to convey our feelings.  I see creating music as a personal voice by mastering tools available.

     Let's look at the reasons why cover bands exist.  People do enjoy familiarity often and being comfortable in knowing what they like.  Repetitiveness soothes the brain in many ways- perhaps to make ourselves comfortably numb in our down time.  Understanding why people have a set preference to musical tastes seems incredibly limiting and hard to understand.  Listeners have a preference to a specific sound recording and enjoy the familiarity of a song.  I would imagine that playing unfamiliar music to the general public would be a tough sell- as those people have deep preferences already.  These things make it easier for cover band musicians to find work regionally.  Playing in local areas will divulge an editable list of musical preferences to grab from and retain locations to play.

     Besides the cover band work, one that bothers me greatly though is the idea that some musicians prefer to only play their instrument rather than develop something FROM the instrument.  The reasoning of playing out in a live cover band scenario works fine, but seemly limited due to a preexisting context in which you're mainly performing (in most cases).  I enjoy the challenge of hearing and fine tuning a song to what I deem fit for a song- mine or not.  It's hard enough to find like-minded musicians that are willing to play original material, have live-ready equipment, and devote time into developing the music.  Hell, I learned 40 songs in two weeks once for a cock-rock cover band gig only to hate the music even more due to the constraint of preexisting musical conditions.

    Of course this post is a rant on what I deem valuable.  Writing, playing, and performing music is one thing I've grown to love the last six years with great enthusiasm.  If more musicians thought more of their abilities I'm sure we'd see more creativity (good or bad) from them.  I love passionate results- especially from others.

Can't Stand It: Cover Band No-No's 101

I'd like to start off by saying I've been in a couple cover bands before and prefer to play my own music live without people dictating what I should be playing.  Though there clearly is a need for cover bands (as much as original-material bands) to 'find themselves' or have some sort of musical and visual component that is constructive and tries make the entire group look like douchebags.  It is with this list the obvious needs for visual representation need to be taken hold and listed too.  Far to long have people suffered from fake bloated egos with shitty dumb light shows that hold even the worst bands such as Great White to shame (and no- it's not too soon).

10.   Black/Stone Wash Jeans and Jean Shorts.

  They have never looked good, nor professional in any situation.  The only time I can even REMOTELY give an 'ok' for this insane move would possibly be for indie rockers who try to talk others into thinking they played at CBGB's and played random Television covers.  The ironic term applies.  It's a horrendous move.  Same for the jean shorts.  This shouldn't be an issue

9.  Not Looking Your Age.

   This also tails onto the #10 spot as the visuals make a huge difference.  I'd rather not see a band full of guys wearing a 'Winger' tshirt where people would love to forget them.  If you're older than the other people in the group- look like you have some sort of prestige up there.  Same as the youngins-  wear cloths that fit!

8.   Wives as Groupies.

   This defeats the purpose of groupies, folks.  Plus- if you're in it for groupies you need to stop living the Def Leppard dream.  Sure- I'd love my significant other to stop by my shows, but not to act as if THEY are also 16 again....I'd have a hard enough time trying not to look like a douche myself.

7.   No Mullets.

  Seriously. There has never been a time when this was cool.  I once had long hair that almost became this monstrosity- which immediately needed to be taken care of.  This is probably the best way to date yourself as well.

6.  Tribute Bands.

   I can't imagine a worse job.  How can you live your life knowing that you'd never get any artistic input in your musical project.  Worse yet- a story to tell you.  Rural areas are PRIZE for the picking on this fucking joke.  Many people are duped into thinking these acts are actually the REAL THING.  There's a CCR and an Eagles one out there that people who are not musically inclined believe are the real deal.  It's sad.  But I suppose The Smashing Pumpkins, The Who, and The Beach Boys are all tribute bands now anyway.  Which leads us to this:

5.   Covering music EXACTLY the same as the original recorded version.

    Why bother when you could just play the damn jukebox?  You wonder why people just get inexpensive DJ services when cover bands decide to play the same way- use the same effects -and add nothing to their personal taste.  Nothing reams my ass more than people thinking that one arrangement of a song is the same.  I enjoy covers- it's how you learn about other artists if anything -but it's stupid to carbon-copy someone who's not you or your group.  Props to bands that paroday or totally reinvent a song to make it their own (IE:  Jeff Buckley rendition of a John Cale cover of Leonard Cohen's "Halleijuah").

4.    Horrendous Band Photos/ Brick Wall/Railroad Track Syndrome

   You've seen it.  Chances are one of your friend's are in a damn band with an identity crisis and needed the quick shitty fix band photo.  Lookin' all cool and h-  ohh wait: no it's not.  Yeah this si a reference to the great website, http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com . Ran out of ideas?  Try this trick that bands and even more so- Hip Hop/Rap  groups are incredibly guilty of:

3.    Light + Fog Shows

    This picture sums it up to me (even though it's not a cover band- but almost as bad as a tribute band).  Just the fire hazard and the rediculous show that goes on with the focus away from the music is something that is just stupid- it doesn't add to the experience like previous Nine Inch Nail, Kraftwerk, and Radiohead shows.  These cheesy fog effects take away from the focus on the music being played- no matter how bad it is.

2.   Poorly Photoshopped Logos, Photos, and Bad Websites.

   You've seen enough of these as much as I have.  Icy Hot Stuntaz fans unite!  Yes- I know there are plenty of "original" bands that have this horendous habit, but fuck me- if you're going to market yourself take some god damn time to learn how to USE photoshop and not abuse it!

and number one...

...drumroll please....

1.   Stop playing Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch"

"But I want to be a Crazy Bitch! WOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAWE!"

    Besides any Anal C*nt song, this fucking tune takes the cake.  I have seen enough woman run to the dance floor when that "CHUGGA...CHUG CHUG" intro kicks in, I am convinced that I should never look at those women with dignity.  For a song with horrendous sound and obvious cock-rock playability- I have never understood at what time Buckcherry was ever famous for such a degrading piece of shit.  Were they ever 'famous'?  I don't know and nor do I care- I only confront this madness when women have no idea about the lyrical content and I spell it out for them.  Some bands play it because it garuntees women dancing *apparently*; others actually think it was a great song.  I think we all need to parooze the Harmony Central thead about this living breathing musical travesty and learn from our mistakes:   http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?t=2117113

I know all of these No-No's can be for any group- but they're just so damn noticable with cover bands.
Please ladies and gents- stop the madness and smarten up.