Can't Stand It: Cover Band No-No's 101

I'd like to start off by saying I've been in a couple cover bands before and prefer to play my own music live without people dictating what I should be playing.  Though there clearly is a need for cover bands (as much as original-material bands) to 'find themselves' or have some sort of musical and visual component that is constructive and tries make the entire group look like douchebags.  It is with this list the obvious needs for visual representation need to be taken hold and listed too.  Far to long have people suffered from fake bloated egos with shitty dumb light shows that hold even the worst bands such as Great White to shame (and no- it's not too soon).

10.   Black/Stone Wash Jeans and Jean Shorts.

  They have never looked good, nor professional in any situation.  The only time I can even REMOTELY give an 'ok' for this insane move would possibly be for indie rockers who try to talk others into thinking they played at CBGB's and played random Television covers.  The ironic term applies.  It's a horrendous move.  Same for the jean shorts.  This shouldn't be an issue

9.  Not Looking Your Age.

   This also tails onto the #10 spot as the visuals make a huge difference.  I'd rather not see a band full of guys wearing a 'Winger' tshirt where people would love to forget them.  If you're older than the other people in the group- look like you have some sort of prestige up there.  Same as the youngins-  wear cloths that fit!

8.   Wives as Groupies.

   This defeats the purpose of groupies, folks.  Plus- if you're in it for groupies you need to stop living the Def Leppard dream.  Sure- I'd love my significant other to stop by my shows, but not to act as if THEY are also 16 again....I'd have a hard enough time trying not to look like a douche myself.

7.   No Mullets.

  Seriously. There has never been a time when this was cool.  I once had long hair that almost became this monstrosity- which immediately needed to be taken care of.  This is probably the best way to date yourself as well.

6.  Tribute Bands.

   I can't imagine a worse job.  How can you live your life knowing that you'd never get any artistic input in your musical project.  Worse yet- a story to tell you.  Rural areas are PRIZE for the picking on this fucking joke.  Many people are duped into thinking these acts are actually the REAL THING.  There's a CCR and an Eagles one out there that people who are not musically inclined believe are the real deal.  It's sad.  But I suppose The Smashing Pumpkins, The Who, and The Beach Boys are all tribute bands now anyway.  Which leads us to this:

5.   Covering music EXACTLY the same as the original recorded version.

    Why bother when you could just play the damn jukebox?  You wonder why people just get inexpensive DJ services when cover bands decide to play the same way- use the same effects -and add nothing to their personal taste.  Nothing reams my ass more than people thinking that one arrangement of a song is the same.  I enjoy covers- it's how you learn about other artists if anything -but it's stupid to carbon-copy someone who's not you or your group.  Props to bands that paroday or totally reinvent a song to make it their own (IE:  Jeff Buckley rendition of a John Cale cover of Leonard Cohen's "Halleijuah").

4.    Horrendous Band Photos/ Brick Wall/Railroad Track Syndrome

   You've seen it.  Chances are one of your friend's are in a damn band with an identity crisis and needed the quick shitty fix band photo.  Lookin' all cool and h-  ohh wait: no it's not.  Yeah this si a reference to the great website, http://www.rockandrollconfidential.com . Ran out of ideas?  Try this trick that bands and even more so- Hip Hop/Rap  groups are incredibly guilty of:

3.    Light + Fog Shows

    This picture sums it up to me (even though it's not a cover band- but almost as bad as a tribute band).  Just the fire hazard and the rediculous show that goes on with the focus away from the music is something that is just stupid- it doesn't add to the experience like previous Nine Inch Nail, Kraftwerk, and Radiohead shows.  These cheesy fog effects take away from the focus on the music being played- no matter how bad it is.

2.   Poorly Photoshopped Logos, Photos, and Bad Websites.

   You've seen enough of these as much as I have.  Icy Hot Stuntaz fans unite!  Yes- I know there are plenty of "original" bands that have this horendous habit, but fuck me- if you're going to market yourself take some god damn time to learn how to USE photoshop and not abuse it!

and number one...

...drumroll please....

1.   Stop playing Buckcherry's "Crazy Bitch"

"But I want to be a Crazy Bitch! WOOOOOOOOOHAAAAAAAWE!"

    Besides any Anal C*nt song, this fucking tune takes the cake.  I have seen enough woman run to the dance floor when that "CHUGGA...CHUG CHUG" intro kicks in, I am convinced that I should never look at those women with dignity.  For a song with horrendous sound and obvious cock-rock playability- I have never understood at what time Buckcherry was ever famous for such a degrading piece of shit.  Were they ever 'famous'?  I don't know and nor do I care- I only confront this madness when women have no idea about the lyrical content and I spell it out for them.  Some bands play it because it garuntees women dancing *apparently*; others actually think it was a great song.  I think we all need to parooze the Harmony Central thead about this living breathing musical travesty and learn from our mistakes:   http://acapella.harmony-central.com/showthread.php?t=2117113

I know all of these No-No's can be for any group- but they're just so damn noticable with cover bands.
Please ladies and gents- stop the madness and smarten up.